1+1: How to cultivate hope + Hope TED talk

Here's one leadership idea and one resource I’ve found beneficial in the past two weeks:

1 idea: How to cultivate hope 

What do you do when someone you love is hopeless?

That was the question I faced with Brian. Brian was a small business owner who’d hit a major wall. His business was sliding into greater debt every month, and his optimism was nosediving, too. Today, he was so depressed that he didn’t want to show up for our coaching session. But perhaps because he was too apathetic to find something better to do, he showed up anyway.

I asked him about his week, and his words came out slowly, languidly—as if the act of speaking itself was too effortful. He closed his eyes for long stretches during our conversation as if the strain of keeping his eyelids up was too much for him. He look like a truck up that was up to its axles in mud. His gas tank was on E.

Brian felt bad, and he felt bad for feeling bad. The only way he was going to find the narrow path out of his business dilemma was through relentless hard work and a bit of luck. The question was, how could we get him un-stuck? How could we restore his hope?

When I first started coaching, I never thought to ask this question. I thought the most important deliverables from coaching were a clear plan of action and a system of accountability. But the longer I partnered with clients, the more I realized that the tactical aspect was only half the battle. After all, these were smart people I was working with. They could figure out good next steps without my help. The true deciding factor in their success wasn’t the tactical dimension, but the mental and emotional game. The most important challenge was how to create and sustain momentum. And before momentum, we needed hope.

Fortunately, because hope is a mindset, it can be developed intentionally. According to Chan Hellman, a leading hope researcher at the University of Oklahoma, hope has three ingredients:

1. Goal – A clear and compelling vision of what I want.

2. Pathway – A concrete set of steps for obtaining what I want.

3. Agency – The belief that I have what it takes to complete those steps.

Reading about Hellman’s research turned on a light bulb for me. I realized why clients left so energized from our first coaching session—even the times when it seemed to me that we hadn’t accomplished much. The truth was, we’d accomplished a lot just by clarifying what it was the client wanted to achieve. Getting clearer about their goal automatically increased their hope, even if the path forward was challenging. That’s because difficulty is not the hope killer—ambiguity is.

Fortunately, Brian’s coaching session that day cultivated hope. As soon as he recognized that he was stuck in a shame cycle, his eyes flickered with life. His words flowed more quickly as he verbalized the ways this pattern was undermining his well-being. He started asking questions about what he could do to change this narrative.

As he focused on the future, he sat up straighter in his chair. He smiled. He looked like a man who had awoken from a long coma—his heart monitor now punching through the stillness of a sleepy hospital room with energetic bleeps. This was the Brian I knew—thoughtful, intentional. Even hopeful.

Hope is not a fleeting emotion or mere wishful thinking; it’s a force of nature that sees potential in bleak circumstances. Hope-less people don’t bother getting out of bed, but hope-full people take initiative to bring their dreams to life. That’s the reason why great leaders, parents, and friends are always at work cultivating hope.

***

• What is something you want to achieve? (Goal)

• What is the next step you need to take to get there? (Pathway)

• What experience or skills do you need to take that next step? (Agency)

1 resource: The 3 ingredients of hope

If you or someone you love is lacking hope, take the next step by checking out Chan Hellman’s TED talk on the subject. His research provides some fascinating examples of what this concept looks like in action.

PS: I’m not crying, you’re crying…