1+1: Love @ work + The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace

Here's one leadership idea and one resource I’ve found beneficial in the past two weeks:

1 idea: Love @ work

Over the summer, a good friend and I met up for lunch to talk about our business dreams. We enjoyed a great meal at Hot Chickz (which is a spicy chicken joint, not a gentleman’s club), then stepped out into the hot Indiana sun to part ways. As we said our goodbyes, I hugged him and told him I loved him.

Just then, four guys in their twenties came walking out, too. “Awwww…” one of them said with a grin and more than a touch of sarcasm. His friends smiled at the light ribbing he’d dispensed.

I returned his smile and met his gaze. “Wouldn’t it be great if you had someone to hug, too?” I asked, confidently. “Yeah, actually, my girlfriend just broke up with me,” he said, without missing a beat.

I couldn’t tell if he was serious or just playing along, but I called his bluff anyway. With a large grin, I spread my arms wide and stepped forward to give him a hug. At my advance, he sprang back as if a snake had just crossed his path. I stood still, arms still open, waiting. “I’m serious, man,” I said.

He paused for a split second. Then he tentatively took a step forward into my hug. Just to be safe, he turned his body away from mine ever so slightly, maintaining a 15-degree separation so we weren’t fully chest-on-chest…you know, because that would be really weird. Then we parted ways without a word, and I sat in my car and laughed at the ridiculousness of it all.

Jokes aside, the truth is that most of us are craving that hug from someone. While physical touch may not be your love language—and you might never consider hugging your boss—the reality is that we all want to feel care and connection throughout our day. It may be obvious that we want that at home with our partner and kids, but it’s less intuitive to think that we need it in the workplace, too.

This desire for love and affection begins at childbirth and never goes away—we just get better at masking it as we get older. After asking for attention or care and getting turned down one too many times, we learn to hold back those vulnerable requests and numb ourselves to those longings. The craving is still there, but it simply goes unexpressed—and largely unmet.

Healthy kids have not yet learned to lie about their needs. My children explicitly ask for exactly the kind of affection they want, and it’s so specific that it makes me laugh. “Daddy, can you let me sit in your lap and you say, ‘What’s my name?’ and then I'll say something silly, and then you tickle me and kiss me?” Again and again, I repeat the experience they crave, and they love every second of it.

Perhaps this is a crazy idea, but what if we offered love to other people without them having to ask for it? What if we assumed they were always asking for it whether they had the words for it or not?

I'm certainly not talking about crossing physical boundaries without invitation or consent. None of us wants anymore #MeToo stories. But I am saying that we can proactively say, “I'm grateful for you.” We can provide a metaphorical or literal pat on the back (or fist bump, or high five). We can give a gift of appreciation that’s more meaningful than a 15-year pin. We can give away our time to someone who needs more of our presence.

When we love others well, we not only gain more loyalty and engagement in the workplace, but we leave these people better than we found them. That’s a gift to the both of us.

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• Who is someone at work who could use some encouragement?

• How could you let them know that you appreciate them?

• What would it do for your organization if everyone knew they were valued?

1 resource: The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace

If you’d like your coworkers to feel cared for but you’re afraid of coming across as insincere or creepy, you’re not alone. It’s tricky to know how to do something meaningful but appropriate. That’s why I appreciate The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace. This workplace version of The Five Love Languages is practical, thoughtful, and inspiring. Check it out!

PS: The perfect gift for that coworker who loves sea shanties…