Hey there! Here’s one leadership idea and one resource I’ve found beneficial this week:
1 idea: Enjoy the process
A few weeks ago, I got some of the most exciting news of my career to-date: I was selected to give my first TEDx talk. I’m normally a pretty even-keeled guy, but this email elicited a shout. I was thrilled!
I was excited for a number of reasons. I love TED talks, so the chance to contribute to that community of ideas was an honor. I was thrilled to get to share the ideas of Humbler Leadership more broadly. And the thought of expanding my business opportunities through this exposure was exciting, too.
I wanted to hit a home run with this talk, and those aspirations of excellence instantly provided a laser focus as I prepared. But I soon noticed that these ambitions had side effects as well. The delight I felt as I worked on my talk increasingly gave way to anxiety about talking too long (the official TED max is 18 minutes). I also feared sinking all this time into preparing only to end up being average. As I stepped into the batter's box and prepared to swing for the fences, I was starting to fear that I would ground out.
During a conversation with my friend Kevin in between pickleball matches, I realized that I was repeating the exact same mistakes I made when writing my book.
Back in 2021 as I was working on Humbler Leadership, I was having what Han Solo would call “delusions of grandeur.” I hoped to write a modern classic…a bestseller…a book that I and my kids would be proud of. And I wanted to do it now. But the pressure those aspirations placed on me made me rush, cut corners, and stress out. As my wife and friends gently questioned my motives or prodded me to slow down, I finally realized that my goals weren’t serving me well. So after wrestling with my motivations for a while, I decided to change my goal to "Enjoy the process of writing a really good book."
As soon as I did, I naturally relaxed, slowed down, and found more peace. As I committed to mastering the craft of book-writing rather than merely focusing on the end product, my focus shifted from the product I was creating to the process I was following. In a sense, the book was no longer the meaningful outcome; my joy and writing ability were. To my surprise, I also found that zeroing in on the process and simply trying to do good work every day made the book so much better.
After my pickleball conversation with Kevin, I decided to upcycle an old mantra to tackle this new challenge. Instead of making my goal “Deliver one of the best TED talks ever,” I changed it to, “Enjoy the process of becoming a better speaker.” I still hoped my final product was great and the audience was moved, but those became secondary goals. I reminded myself that this talk was one of many that I will give in my lifetime. It’s a waystation, not a destination; a checkpoint on my path to growth, not the final exam. Who I’m becoming in this process matters far more than what I do while standing on a red circle for less than 18 minutes.
Actually, rather than saying I changed my goal, I should say I’m changing it. Because truthfully, it’s still hard for me to let go of those aspirations to greatness. Just as my speaking abilities are a work in progress, my life is, too. But that's ok. After all, the goal is progress, not perfection.
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Where are you focused on a product or outcome? Consider personal achievements (like career goals) or relational achievements (like your kids’ milestones).
What process could you focus on instead?
How would shifting that focus change how you felt about it?
PS: You're invited to the TEDx talk! You can register here.
1 resource: How world-class speakers prepare
Part of my preparation for this talk has been researching how great speakers prepare for their craft. It should come as no surprise (though for some reason it did to me) how many hours (100+) and people (dozens?) go into helping a single person deliver a single talk.
In this fascinating interview, Craig Groeschel sits down with one of Forbes’ top speakers, Liz Bohannon, to discuss the mechanics of preparing for a great talk. I took tons of notes, and if you want to be a speaker, you will enjoy it as well!
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